Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
