A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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