Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
