oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize