it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
