u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
