How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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