he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
