i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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