she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
