if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
