I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
