what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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