If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
