I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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