Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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