You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
