I hate your face
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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