Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
