Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
