I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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