oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
two words: eviction party
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
