I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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