We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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