I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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