the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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