We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
