i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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