Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize