Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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