3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
