So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
