her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
