Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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