I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
