I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
