So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
