3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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