i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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