Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize
