I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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