so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize