I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
