You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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