The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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