Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
