i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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