All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
