battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
