Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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