The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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