That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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