Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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