May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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