oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
