he shaved USA in his pubs
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
