i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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