Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
