im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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