Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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