Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
