if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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