I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
how drunk are you?
Several
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
