I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
