Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
