im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
