so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
