so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
