hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
